I can eat how much?

As a result of years of disordered eating, I have forgotten how to feed myself: Am I actually hungry? What do I really want? What is the best choice right now?

Slowly, with the help of the LoseIt! app, I am relearning. It's entertaining and surprising to see how much more I can eat if I make a healthier choice. Today at lunch, I had tuna with mayo and pickles on flatbread, carrots, and hummus. It felt like a feast! I know it may not sound like much but I am used to wanting to spend most of my time snacking instead of developing fuller meals. When I first started with the LoseIt! app, I was trying to save all my calories for snacks and dessert. This simple lunch taught me that wholesome choices go farther, are more filling, and still leave room for treats and snacks.

What is your favorite lunch? Do you like snacking, or bigger meals?

Reward or punishment

I have always looked to food as a reward and comfort. During my years of disordered eating, I looked to dieting and exercise as the punishment for this indulgence. Around and around I went on this cycle: candy and other fun foods as the entertainment and comfort, healthy eating and exercise as punishment and restriction.

The problem was, in fact, the restriction. There is a BIG difference between restrictive dieting and trying to eat moderately and healthfully for your body. Same with exercise: regular yoga is wonderful and makes me feel good about myself; extra time on the treadmill, which I hate, was pure punishment. The older I get, the more I am trying to understand that inherent balance. I am also starting to understand that healthy eating is taking care of yourself and its own indulgence and comfort eating is a crutch for a larger emotional issue. It's very freeing to understand what taking care of yourself actually feels like and seeing the results, in and out.

How do you take care of your body and mind? What makes you feel best, physically and emotionally?

Hi there.

Welcome! My name is Shannon. I am a 34 year old mother of two wonderful daughters, ages five and five months. I have discovered that postpartum weight doesn't just fall off the second time around (oops), especially if you spent most of your pregnancy indulging every craving (double oops). I now find myself about 20 lbs heavier than before baby #2 and 30lbs from baby #1.

I have been using a great app, LoseIt! to track my food and exercise and have managed to lose about 8lbs so far, go me. However, by holding myself accountable to my food intake, I have exposed feelings.

I have always been an emotional eater. Sad? Have a brownie. Happy? Let's have cookies! Celebrating? Cake time! However, when you are trying to achieve some weight loss, these items aren't always first choice. And, in some cases, this has made me terribly sad. Which is sad in and of itself. Sure, get a birthday cake or have some cookies occasionally, but I shouldn't always be looking for an excuse to indulge.

I hope to use this blog as part journal, part journey, on healing this part of myself that always looks to food for comfort and reward. Want to come along? I welcome all comments.